Being a Dad

I dunno really, why does one blog? It's probably ego. As a kid I used to have the confidence to dance around with an umbrella like Gene Kelly in Singing In the Rain. Then I started growing up and becoming awkward and retreated from the limelight. I still feel awkward when the light shines on me.

But I guess the answer to my own question (is anybody else out there anyhow?) is that I have something I want to say to you, the rest of the world, that I don't have any other outlet to say elsewhere.

Right now I want to tell you how great it is to be a Dad. It happened late in life for me and at times I regret that because it's harder to cope with the sleeplessness and physically, it feels more demanding to be as ancient as me and scurrying around after my toddlers.

But then again I was ready for it. It was something I'd always wanted, since I looked after my sister's kids when she was sick with cancer when I was a teenager, and it was probably the major reason I moved on from my last relationship. I had to find somebody who had a similar wish to be a parent and I found the right person in Sarah. Plus I found the most amazing mother for my kids.

Every day I wake up and cannot wait to see my girls. Every day that Mila goes into child care, I miss her. When I travel my heart aches a little - even if I enjoy the extra sleep and the adventure of being away - and I wonder twenty times a day what my two kids are doing. When I am at home, they make me laugh constantly. They make even the darkest day seem bearable. They never cease to amaze me and I feel every little fear and hurt that they feel.

There now, that's out. I don't think I am unique in expressing these feelings about being a Dad - it's nearly as tough and difficult job as being a Mum but it is so hugely rewarding. Sometimes I look ahead at the next fifteen to twenty years and feel daunted. At others I just feel grateful that I will hopefully have these little emerging lives around me over the coming years. What will they become, how will their lives pan out? It is a frightening but exciting mystery.

Anyway I hope anybody reading has a great weekend. I certainly intend to spend as much time with my kids as possible. Work can wait...